Why.

Welcome to my new blog! I have considered blogging for years now, but finally here I am. I have always been a secret journaler and used writing as a way to deal with problems, feelings, getting things off my chest, etc. etc. Normally I would write away in a notebook and then when I am finished I would rip the pages out and throw them away. Too personal, to reavealing, and too brutually honest to take the risk of someone peaking at what I had to say. Yet I find myself needing an outlet these days, more than ever before. My mother has been diagnosed with a rare form of FTD (frontotemporal dementia) called "Corticobasal Syndrome." She is 61. I have been a bundle of raw nerves and emotions lately. I decided that I need to formulate a plan to help me cope......so I decided to start this blog: Blue Bird. I love the color blue and I love birds, simple as that. Another reason that I am doing this is because it is difficult to answer this question ten times a day: "How is your Mom?" I realize that people mean well, but there are some days that it is all I can do to keep it together and make it through my work day. Talking about my mother is not easy. When I am forced to explain things (I reveal more or less, depending on who I am speaking with), it wears me down. I find it more difficult to concentrate at work and to keep my emotions in check.

Did I mention that I am a hospice social worker? LOL. I spend 40 hours a week helping others deal with the issues that my family is now facing. I ask myself, "what have I told others to help them cope?"...and I can't remember! I feel paralyzed. It truly is different when it is your own mother. I do know this. I will not be the family member in denial. I will not be the family member who blames others. I will NOT wear a chip on my shoulder. I will utilize help from others when it is offered.
I want to handle this as gracefully as I possibly can...starting NOW...or maybe tomorrow...:-)

I want my Mom to have the best quality of life it can be for as long as possible. She is still very much aware of what is going on. I have NOT always been the perfect daughter, by ANY means. But she has been a GREAT mother and I love her DEARLY.

Welcome to my journey. It is not for the faint of heart. I may have been a social worker for the past 15 years, but no one knows all there is to know and each situation is unique. I have read other blogs that have helped me. Maybe my blog can help someone else in a similar situation. And maybe some days...(when I don't have the energy or emotional perseverance to answer your questions), you can get on my blog to find out the status of things. It is never my intention to be evasive or rude or dishonest. Here I am.....I would just rather write about it than talk about it....I hope you understand...